this is it. closure.
if you’re smiling, i can’t ask for much more. im happy she’sp physically capable of doing things that you like to do. im sorry i could never play ball with you. im also sorry we didn’t work out the way i always thought we would. i hope you know that you are beyond perfect. ive never loved anybody the way that i loved you. im going to hold onto our memories until the day i take my last breath. what we had is unforgetable. i loved wearing your sweater, and kissing you until my stomach just couldn’t handle anymore butterflies. i loved when people asked who your girl was, and you point to me and smiled. i miss being yours. and im going to continue to miss it until i learn the truth. you don’t love me like i thought you did and its time to accept that. thank you for giving me confidence, and thank you for teaching me to let love into my life. thank you for taking care of me, when i had no dad to do it for me. thank you for being you, and letting me have so much time with you. im blessed to say that you have changed me. i know who i am, and i know how to care because of you. im not angry, or sad. im one hundred and ten percent dissapointed. you and i were suppose to go so much further than this. but i know now, that things don’t always happen the way people think that they should. no more kissing under street lights, no more movie dates, no more six hour phone calls. no more me and you together. i hope she knows what to order you from taco bell, i hope she finds your tickle spots, i hope momma likes her, i hope she makes tee shirts with your last name on the back for all your baseball games. i just hope she loves you the right way. i hope you love her too. the only thing i want, is your happiness. and that’s how i know i really loved you. i kept all my promises, and i never gave up on you. i don’t know if i wasn’t pretty enough, or if my fucked up life was to much to handle.. i don’t know where i went wrong, but you just need to know that im so thankful for you. people always ask me why i’ve stuck around for so long.. i say that its just something about you. i raise you up, and say nothing but good things about the incredible boy you’re growing up to be. i tell them its because your dumbass has had my heart since four years ago. but when they ask me why, and i have no answer. the fact of the matter is, you treat me very badly. i worked so hard to show you that you’re worth so much more than people tell you. i pushed and pushed until you realized how much i cared. none of it paid off. i wasted time on a boy that is not ever going to fully come back to me. you’re gone. and im gone. no more us. i was you to be silly with her, i want you to always wear a seatbelt, because i wouldn’t be the same if anything happened to you. i want you to have fun, everyday. for the rest of your carefree life. where ever you go, and whatever you do, don’t forget me. please. sometimes when im having a really bad day, the wind starts blowing. somebody has the same cologne on as you. i smell it in the air. and all i do is smile. it takes me back to when you let me bury my face into your shirt when i was scared. it takes me back to when i spent hours thinking about how perfect our hands fit together. we were fucking beautiful. but she took my place, and i see that. but im gonna be just fine, im gonna learn to love again. but what im not going to do, is forget about the love that we had. we shared something flawless, and because of that.. you are part of me forever. i love you so much. smile, no matter what. because you are strong, and nothing can tear you down. this is it for us, but this is not it for me. you taught me to be strong, and that’s what i’m going to be. thank you for everything. im happy you are happy. its time to let go of that childhood we loved. its time to let go of the forehead kisses, and tiny pinches behind the arm. i give up, because theres no other choice. but whatever happens, you can’t say i didn’t love you more than anything in this whole wide world. you were my rock, my strength, my bestfriend, my future. you were my support system. and now that you’re gone for good, im gonna learn how to do everything for myself, by myself. because i am so much stronger than you think i am. i do not need anybody who does not need me.
